The Impact of Aggression on Relationships

If a dominant partner displays aggressive behavior—whether through verbal outbursts, physical intimidation, or emotional manipulation—the other partner may suppress their emotions to avoid triggering further aggression (Fear of repercussions). Over time, this fear can condition them to bottle up their feelings to keep the peace or protect themselves from the aggression. While it is reasonable to argue that aggression in one partner can create a climate of fear, insecurity, or powerlessness in the other, this perspective may oversimplify the dynamics. Emotional suppression can also be influenced by factors like upbringing, cultural conditioning, personality traits, or prior experiences. Some individuals might suppress emotions not solely because of aggression, but because of societal expectations or personal coping mechanisms. For instance, some people are more prone to emotional suppression due to temperament or past trauma, irrespective of their partner’s behavior.

Aggressive or controlling individuals often seek to dominate or control the relationship. In these situations, the dominant partner may use aggression or emotional manipulation as a tool to assert authority, leaving the other partner feeling powerless. When someone feels controlled, they might suppress their emotions to avoid provoking the aggressor or because they feel their own voice and emotions are no longer valued. In such cases, the other partner may internalize the emotional burden and stop expressing their thoughts and feelings altogether. It’s important to acknowledge that not all individuals are passive or reactive in relationships marked by aggression or dominance. Some may suppress their emotions as a form of self-regulation, to avoid escalating conflicts, or because they believe that expressing emotions might not be effective in creating change. In such scenarios, emotional suppression may be a strategic response rather than a reaction to powerlessness.

Constant exposure to aggression or dominance can be emotionally draining and lead to emotional exhaustion. If the other partner feels like they are always walking on eggshells, they may become emotionally exhausted, making it harder for them to express their feelings. Over time, the fear, anxiety, and stress of navigating an aggressive or dominant relationship can lead them to retreat emotionally, suppressing their true feelings out of self-preservation or because they no longer have the energy to confront the situation. Relationships are complex and often fluctuate in intensity. A dominant partner’s aggressive behavior may not always be uniform or continuous; it might occur episodically. The other partner’s emotional suppression may sometimes be adaptive and context dependent. In this case, the emotional suppression could be a temporary coping mechanism in response to specific aggressive episodes, rather than a permanent pattern in the relationship. For instance, a partner might suppress emotions during an aggressive episode in the hope that the situation will de-escalate, but this does not necessarily mean the behavior is always harmful or that it always leads to long-term emotional distress.

In some cases, a dominant partner might use manipulative tactics, such as gaslighting, to make the other partner feel as though their feelings or reactions are unreasonable or exaggerated. Over time, this can lead to the partner internalizing the blame and suppressing their emotions because they may doubt their own perception of reality. This self-doubt can lead to emotional suppression, as they begin to question whether their feelings are valid or worthy of expression.

In a relationship where aggression or dominance is a common response, the other partner may suppress their emotions to avoid conflict. They might feel that if they share their thoughts, it will only lead to more aggression or animosity. In such situations, they may learn to suppress not only negative emotions (like anger or frustration) but also positive ones (like happiness or excitement), in an effort to keep the peace and avoid further triggering the aggressor. Many people, particularly women, are socialized to suppress emotions as a form of emotional labor. They may be conditioned to “keep the peace” in relationships, regardless of the emotional or behavioral dynamics of their partner. Societal expectations of “femininity” (i.e., being nurturing, accommodating, or passive) might influence a person’s tendency to suppress feelings, even in non-aggressive contexts.

Some relationships experience a more dynamic, bidirectional influence where aggression and emotional suppression lead to cycles of stress and emotional distancing. In these cases, both partners may contribute to unhealthy patterns of communication. For example, the other partner’s emotional withdrawal or suppression might feed into the dominant partner’s feelings of frustration or helplessness, possibly even contributing to further aggression. This creates a feedback loop that can be difficult to break without external intervention or communication.

Emotional suppression can also lead to low self-esteem and self-worth in the other partner, leading them to feel as though their feelings or needs are unimportant. If they begin to believe that their emotions are either invalid or unworthy of attention, they may suppress them as a way of coping with the diminished sense of self-worth. They might start to see themselves as “too sensitive” or “too emotional,” reinforcing the idea that their emotional expression is something to hide.